The Narcissistic Mother: Unmasking One Of The Most Terrifying Personality Types

A relationship that is affected by emotional toxicity or abuse can lead to serious issues such as anxiety, depression, and a persistent feeling of not being enough. If you frequently recall hearing things like “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “Did I hurt your little feelings?” or if you’ve found yourself often thinking, “Why am I never good enough?”, then it’s possible that you may have grown up with a narcissistic mother.

What is a Narcissist?

We often hear the term narcissist used to describe someone who is overly focused on themselves. Narcissism, like other personality traits, exists on a wide spectrum, with most people falling somewhere in the middle.

On the extreme end, there’s something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This disorder is characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy.

While NPD itself is rare and requires a diagnosis by a mental health professional, it can have a significant and harmful impact on both the person and the people around them.

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They’re extremely sensitive to criticism, and this insecurity pushes them to seek validation and approval from others, especially those they see as important or exceptional.

Common Traits of NPD

Those with NPD commonly show a number of specific traits, such as:

• An inflated view of their own importance
• Constantly thinking about success, power, beauty, or ideal love
• A strong belief that they are unique and can only associate with others they see as equally special
• A craving for admiration
• A sense of entitlement
• Using others to achieve personal goals
• A lack of empathy
• Feeling envy toward others or thinking others envy them
• Arrogant and haughty behavior

These behaviors can create problems in personal relationships and even in the workplace. People with NPD often have a hard time accepting any kind of criticism.

This may also lead to issues like substance abuse, mood disorders, and impulsive actions, making treatment difficult, though it is still possible.

What Does a Narcissistic Mother Look Like?

Narcissistic mothers often display these traits in destructive ways, typically by dismissing or invalidating their children’s feelings and achievements.

Instead of offering the love and reassurance a child needs, they will downplay their emotions, sometimes even accusing them of being too sensitive or dramatic.

Over time, this constant manipulation can leave children doubting themselves and wondering, “Will I ever be good enough?”

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No matter how much effort the child puts into pleasing her, it will never be enough. She always finds ways to chip away at their self-esteem.

Phrases a Narcissistic Mother Might Use

According to Psychotherapist Lena Derhally, some common things narcissistic mothers say include:

• “That never happened. You imagined it.”
• “You should be more like [someone else]. They’re so wonderful.”
• “Why can’t you just get over it already?”
• “You’re always so focused on your life, you never think about me.”
• “I do so much for you, and you never appreciate it.”
• “I’m the only person who could ever truly love you.”

Sibling Rivalry and Competition

A narcissistic mother will often create rivalry between siblings by favoring one child over the others. This can cause envy and competition that hurts the bond between them, making one child feel like they are never loved enough.

In the case of daughters, the dynamic can be even more complicated. Narcissistic mothers might see their daughters as competition and may even try to compete with them for attention from male family members. This unhealthy behavior can severely damage a daughter’s self-esteem and make it hard for her to build healthy relationships of her own.

Control and Public Persona

Narcissistic mothers tend to view their children, especially daughters, as extensions of themselves. They often try to control their children’s choices, from how they dress to the relationships they form, effectively stifling any independence.

Publicly, these mothers work hard to project an image of perfection, often appearing to be selfless, supportive, and accomplished. However, behind closed doors, they may be emotionally distant or even manipulative.

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Impact on Children

Growing up with a narcissistic mother can have long-lasting emotional effects. When children are deprived of the love and support they need, they often feel empty inside.

This emotional void may lead to issues like depression, anxiety, and a low sense of self-worth. As adults, they may struggle with forming meaningful connections and constantly question their value, always seeking validation from others.

They tend to be highly self-critical, particularly about their appearance or abilities, and are plagued by a constant sense of self-doubt.

This makes it difficult for them to fully reach their potential in both their personal and professional lives.

Your Mother is Not Your Responsibility

It’s common for children raised by narcissistic parents to feel responsible for their parent’s emotions or well-being, but it’s important to realize that your mother’s behavior is not something you caused.

Narcissism is a complex psychological disorder that comes from her own internal issues, not from anything you did wrong. While the healing process from maternal narcissism can take time, therapy offers a path forward.

With the help of a mental health professional, you can begin to let go of the damaging beliefs you grew up with and start building a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence.